


Finding love throughout the noise

by AllCopsAreBastards



Category: Fashion Model RPF, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: F/F, Kaylor instrospection through the years 2013-2016, Lesbian Karlie Kloss, POV Second Person, Taylor Is A Dramatic Lesbian, Taylor has issues, bc honestly whats the point of writting taylor fanfiction if you are not gonna use her lyrics, could fit in the universe of my other story but only if you squint, i drop in taylors lyrics shamelessly, i love even numbers, its like a quick summary of their rs, kaylor - Freeform, kinda inaccurate, the archer really be hitting tonigth, this is not detailed at all, this is the 230 work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-22 20:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllCopsAreBastards/pseuds/AllCopsAreBastards
Summary: She is so warm, you tell yourself, you have been cold since Dianna happened. Karlie is the ray of light in your cloudy stormy nights, where you can't stop hurting. Karlie is the long awaited summer to your dark endless winter. It's only logical to lean into her touch, the cure to your frozen heart. Her touch doesn't burn you even if she's always boiling, instead, you bask in her warmth too; you feel secure, standing straighter, your chin raised higher and you start to wonder if you are really better off living on your own.or the one where I tried to write reputation.





	Finding love throughout the noise

**Author's Note:**

> so I had like 3 paragraphs of this written on my phone a month ago and I had a different title and summary and this was going to be about pining and afraid of losing the friendship bc of feelings yadada but when I finally sat down to write, The Archer happened and now we have this

_"(...) And when the album came out, it’s legitimately an album about finding love throughout all the noise." - Taylor Swift talking about reputation at her special AT &T Chicago concert._

Sometimes, you think, Karlie's arm is too heavy when is draped over your shoulder as if it was burning you.

And the thing is, you’ve never had a friend like Karlie before. You weren’t much of a friendly person back in Highschool, but to be fair you only attended for two years and Abby and you were kind of dweebs (dressing up as Chewbacca, hello?) So no wonder why you weren’t exceeding at the friend's department.

But now, now you are on the top of the world, your face plastered everywhere, everything you dreamed of, and you have more friends than you could ever imagined of. Every time you walk in a room, no matter the kind of event, there's always going to be someone who's going to recognize you and whom you can hang out with.

And that it's logical, you think, when you have been working your ass off for the past ten years, when you have made a name of yourself out of nothing but you and the people that love you. It's logical to have many friends because with your status and power, who wouldn’t want to befriend you? It's literally free publicity. 

Still, there's something about Karlie that sets you off.

First of all, she's always so goddamn happy to see you; her faces split into this huge smile that seems to cover her whole face, her eyes don’t do that thing where they scrunch up at the side like yours, but the twinkling in them might as well leave you blind.

She looks at you like if you gave her the deal of her life to become a world-wide known model and you just don't understand why. Of course, your other friends are also happy to see you, but they don't seem like they are going to explode with excitement just because of the mere fact that you are there.

And Karlie is... like a ray of sunshine. A walking ray of sunshine that lives off the sun warmth with endless energy, always seeming like she was about to combust every time she just as much locks eyes with you.

And still being logical, you think Karlie happened to be a die hardcore fan before she met you and now can't believe she's friends with you. It would explain the heart eyes. Some of your fans look at you like if you have saved their life when you have never met them before, it would make sense.

But the thing is, when you asked her about it, she couldn't name other song than Love Story, not even You Belong With Me (you are a little offended about that), and she can only sing the chorus of We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.

She was obviously embarrassed about the lack of her knowledge about your music catalog and tries to save face by showing you her 'playlist of taylor ❤' as she named it on her phone, but it only makes it worse when you realize her playlist only includes Love Story ten times over. Karlie flushes a dark crimson red, matching your lipstick and the rest of your outing is awkward.

The next time you see her, she makes an effort and mentions all songs off Speak Now, and you will be impressed if she hadn't them all scribbled down on the palm of her hand. So you sit her down and tell her is okay for her to not like your music although it stings a little. Karlie tries to protest but you tell her that you would prefer her not liking her music and telling you than pretend to like it only to please you. Honesty is the thing you most appreciate in people.

She nods and doesn't mention it again, but sometimes when she lets you borrow her phone you see that her now named 'taylor playlist 😍😘 ' has more songs than Love Story; Sparks fly, Our Song, Red, Haunted, Jump Then Fall, The Way I Loved You and you can't help how happy that makes you.

One day you even caught her working out with Holy Ground. And honestly? It's a good song to work out.

With the Karlie being a fan before she met your theory off the table, you start to push boundaries, just to test the water because you are starting to think that Karlie has the slightest crush on you. You start to ask her favors that your assistant can do, you ask her to come over at random hours, you demand her attention when you know she's busy and she gives it to you. One time she even takes an eighth hour flight back to NYC and even when she's tired of working and jetlagged, she comes to your house to hang out with you just because you asked her to.

You start to wonder if there’s nothing in the world Karlie wouldn't do for you.

It would be cruel to put her through all of that if you weren't equally as whipped. You start to cut off some things that aren't as important, just so you can spend more time with her. You make her your priority.

She keeps looking at you like if you lit the sun only so she could bask on its light and give you a smile that mirrors its warmth. You are used to that kind of looks, you have been receiving them for years now, that's the way your fans look at you. But Karlie is not a fan and she has no business looking at you like that, making all your nerves tingle.

Then there are the touches. You are used to touchy friends too, but Karlie is on a different level. It's like since you met again at VSFS she’s stuck on your skin. She always makes sure to be the most human possibly close to you, to make your shoulders and knees brush when she sits next to you, to leave her hand lingering just a little longer than it should. The worst part is that you respond to her touches, you link your hand with hers automatically when her arm hangs over your shoulder. And Karlie takes so much space. Not only because she’s 6’2 foot tall and therefore impossible to blend in, but her presence is demanding. You cannot be in a room with her and simply not notice her, is impossible. But that also might be because of the fact that you are a little in love with her.

There are also the gifts too. Karlie shows up every day like if it's your birthday, bags on her hands as she always finds an excuse to give you a gift. Soon, you could fill a room with all of her gifts. It only seems right to make one of your guest bedrooms her own, decorating it with Polaroids of you two, with her favorite candies and treats. Karlie hugs you so tight you think she’s gonna break a bone but after a few weeks, you wonder if Karlie’s bedroom is really gonna have an use when you two always end up sleeping in your bed anyways. To your amusement, Karlie is the little spoon. It also irritates you sometimes because Karlie is too big to fit into your arms. Still, she wakes up snuggled on your chest and you just don’t talk about it. You two just act like it’s normal and you have always been a clingy friend anyways, is not too weird.

But your other friends start to side eye you, giving you funny looks, and Cara pulls you to the side and questions you about it.

“What’s the deal between you and Karlie?”

A crinkle appears on your forehead.

“We are friends.”

“Right.” Cara looks to where Karlie is sitting, looking back at you with a starry eyed expression. “Because friends totally look at each other that way.”

Of course you know friends shouldn’t be looking at each other it like that. Of course you are not stupid. Still, there’s something to lose if you acknowledge that, so you just shrug Cara off and return to Karlie, where you feel so safe.

Of course you know there are feelings going on but are they worth it mention if it can jeopardize your friendship? It’s not like you are oblivious enough to not notice Karlie is head over heels for you, if you talk to her about how you feel she’s obviously going to reciprocate.

The thing you are afraid is of what it comes next. You confess your feelings, you go into a relationship and then what? How many time will you two have before everything goes down in flames?

A relationship is doomed to end, but a friendship? You cannot do wrong in a friendship. A friendship will allow you to have Karlie for the rest of your life, perhaps not in the way you want it, but more solid and secure than a relationship could ever offer to you. Still, that doesn’t stop you to fantasize about a place where love doesn’t only burn, break and end.

You write Wildest Dreams the same day.

She is so warm, you tell yourself, you have been cold since Dianna happened. Karlie is the ray of light in your cloudy stormy nights, where you can't stop hurting. Karlie is the long awaited summer to your dark endless winter. It's only logical to lean into her touch, the cure to your frozen heart. Her touch doesn't burn you even if she's always boiling, instead you bask in her warmth too; you feel secure, standing straighter, your chin raised higher and you start to wonder if you are really better off living on your own.

You allow herself to hope and you finally finish This Love.

And one day, you kiss her. It’s in an after party and you are both tipsy, and your bottled up feelings are starting to put a strain on you and you are tired to look like a schoolgirl crush. It won’t have any consequences, you can brush it off and blame the alcohol and never talk about it again. You think that if you kiss her just once, the need to do it will stop. It’s a logical reaction; when you are starving and eat, you stop being hungry. Of course, it backfires on you, and your stupid brain doesn’t want to be logical because when you pull away and Karlie’s eyes are open in bewilderment as she can’t still believe what just happened, you can only think how much you want to kiss her again.

Fuck.

You write I Know Places a few days after, because you know you can’t stop ignoring this, because you know this is something worth fighting for. Because you know even if you have a terrible fallout, you shouldn’t let yourself be ruled by the fear of things that could happen. You decide that this deserves a chance, that you shouldn’t seal the fate of something that hasn’t even happened yet.

So, for once you let go, of your fears and your ghosts.

You take her on a road trip. It’s Karlie’s idea, saying you should do something spontaneous and you come up with Big Sur. It’s the perfect place, only you two, in a cabin, far away from everything. Like the beginning of your song.

You drive all the way and play her 1989, with a creeping sensation because, who could ever leave you but who could stay?

Karlie, apparently. She kisses you, taking your breath away after you tell her everything. She holds you through the night when you cry ―happy or sad tears, you don’t know―whispering the same words in your ear until you fall asleep, a promise; I’ll stay.

You are on edge at first. It’s easy to do promises, speak words but is not the same sticking to them. You hold onto her words, because that’s enough, for now. There will be time after to test if Karlie really means what she said.

And, God, you do get tested.

For a while, everything is wonderful, you act like teenagers having their first crush on a honeymoon phase.

And then, the first test comes in the form of grainy videos and pictures where you two look like you are kissing. Where you, known to be boy crazy to the world, are kissing your supermodel best friend. A woman.

It’s bad and then is worse. The video has low quality, enough to deny it, but denying it wouldn’t be a smart move on your part if you want to step out the closet ever in your lifetime, so after a rushed meeting with your publicist, you manage to craft a tweet denying the ‘rumours’ but being vague enough about it so it won’t come back to bite you in the future. You and Karlie’s face are imprinted in every front page of gossip magazines, with headlines of a ‘shocking romance’.

Karlie is paralyzed, she didn’t seem to realize how much dating you would impact her life, how the magnitude of your famous life was going to affect her. She’s sitting at the edge of the bed, expressionless and stiff.

“This wouldn’t have happened if I had kissed another model.” She keeps repeating that. It’s all she has said since you broke the news to her. “This wouldn’t have happened if it was any other person. Nobody cared much about my life before.”

It makes your blood boil because you warned her about it, you were clear in every word.

“I told you it was not going to be easy.” You can’t keep the bite out of your voice. Karlie looks up, the reality of everything sinking in.

You fight. It’s the worst fight you two have ever had, Karlie yells, you yell too, and it culminates when she says, “I can’t do this right now” and slams the door to your apartment.

You have a show in two hours and the timing couldn’t have been worse, so your team fakes laryngitis to justify why your voice sounds so groggy. You are hungover, heartbroken, and you just want to ditch this gig and cry but canceling would acknowledge that something happened and that’s the last thing you need right now.

You go because you are Taylor Swift and you have never canceled a show before.

You are bitter for the rest of the day because you knew this would happen. You knew there was no one in the world who could take it and you were foolish enough to let yourself go once again. Like your song predicted, your relationship ends, and you wonder if Wildest Dreams is going to haunt you about the rest of your life.

Except, Karlie shows up three days later after you ignore her calls and messages, a wary expression on her face. You are sure she’s going to just end things formally, but it doesn’t hurt you, you already knew.

To your irritation, she’s matching clothes with you; gray blouse and white jeans. You are wearing a white sweater and gray jeans. How annoying can you two be? You feel more bitter, letting your feelings ruin yet another good thing in your life.

“I’m sorry for leaving the other night. It was wrong of me, I just- everything was so overwhelming, and I needed time to think.” Karlie looks sorrowful and you nod, just wanting to get over with this. The quicker, the better. “And I have been thinking a lot.”

You nod again, automatically. You know what is going to happen next.

“These days apart from you made me realize I acted like a jerk. I guess I underestimated how different dating you would be, but I made a promise to you, and I’m not breaking it. We will have to be more careful of course, but I won’t let this tear us apart. I love you, and I’m not going to leave you alone. I meant it when I said I was going to stay.” She cups your cheek and you blink, still in shook, that was the last words you were expecting out of Karlie’s mouth. “We will get through all of this. Together.”

“Together.” You repeat, the only thing you can say, still surprised. You wrap your arms around Karlie, looking at her as if she were not real. 

Who could stay? Karlie could stay.

Things get worse before they get better. The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show being released just five days after the grainy video only adds fuel to the fire, the same show where you acted flirty as fuck and opened the closing section, hand in hand, with matching black outfits. The same show where you get so distracted by Karlie that you almost forget the lyrics to your song. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem, usually viewed as platonic. But now it only makes more people raise their eyebrows and question if Karlie is really your best friend or if there’s really something else. You need to get out of this mess.

The solution comes in the way of not being seen alone with Karlie again and the consideration of a fake relationship. It was not an option before, at least not during 1989 era when you were gonna sell the idea of the empowerment of being single and surround yourself with girls, ―since engaging in fake relationships its what made you earn your bad reputation at first―but now it’s a necessity. You can’t cut off Karlie of your public life, and even if you do, it would look more suspicious. Everything you do is going to be questionable so you might as well get a fake boyfriend to cover up.

You manage to put it off until February when Tree presents you a DJ called Calvin. You have heard maybe two songs of him before. He wants popularity and a Grammy, you want to sell the idea that you aren’t in love with your best friend and that you can last in a relationship for more than three months. This relationship has to be long because a twenty-something woman having relationships of less than six months isn’t convincing anyone anymore.

It’s the worst deal you have ever done. It’s a mistake. Calvin is a douche and he doesn’t seem to tolerate you more than you do. Suddenly a year seems a fucking eternity, and the stupid asshole tries to get out of it, but you won’t let him. You have suffered enough, and you are gonna show the world that you are capable of maintaining a stable long relationship.

Worst of all, it puts a strain on your actual relationship. Your schedule is crazy between all the tour dates and all the events you have to attend in your most public era and so is Karlie’s with her new project, Kode With Klossy and becoming the ambassador of important brands. Even though you try to make it as short as possible, the time you have to spend with the douchebag takes up space in your schedule and Karlie has also her fake boyfriend to keep appearances with. Sometimes she even has to go on trips with him. You snuggle Karlie in any events you can but still. It’s great taking her to events, having her there proud of you, taking thousand pictures of you but it also can feel like torture. You are able to touch her but not in the way you want because everyone is watching and you have to be careful. The most you can do is sneak touches when you think nobody is watching and then do all the touching you weren’t able to do when you get home.

When things get pretty rough and you haven’t seen physically each other in weeks and you feel like your relationship is hanging on a thread, you take her a on a tropical vacation. It’s about two or three days, and you only do it because everything seems to make more sense, the weight on both of your shoulders isn’t as heavy, when is only you two. It’s so simple, it’s like all the pieces fall back into place when you are away, only you and Karlie, and it cures your aching hearts.

You start to write about secretive runaways, island breezes, and low lights.

And Karlie stays.

The second time it happens, you are once again on the top of the world in a two year long relationship with the love of your life and you aren’t scared she’s going to leave anymore. Everything is going great for you, you finally left the asshole, you cut your hair shorter than ever, bleach it and Karlie calls it “a hot fashion statement” and then proceeds to compare you to Chucky’s girlfriend. You really _love_ your girlfriend. You allow being seen with your curls more often.

Then Kim Kardashian and Kanye West happen and your over the top PR relationship with Tom Hiddleston couldn’t fulfill its only objective. The world falls around you as you see horrified the video, an illegally recorded snippet of a phone call. You weren’t very favorited in the public eye already, with Calvin talking out of his ass when you acknowledge that you wrote his latest hit song, and then your relationship with Tom being mocked, the phone call is just the cherry on top of something that had been building up previously, as your relationship with Harry back in 2013.

You post a note, your side of the story but it doesn’t help at all. People jump at the chance of hating you, of saying that you are doing noting more than playing the victim and you sink on the feeling of how surreal it feels having that many people that don’t even know you hating you and calling you all sorts of names. It’s the downside of fame and you feel like playing The Lucky One ten times over. You stay away from social media for the rest of the day, coming back home at the late hours of the night after back to back meetings with your team because this is a fucking mess and you aren’t sure if you are going to make it out of it.

You don’t really believe in God, but you still went to a Christian school and you thank her when Karlie is in New York when all of this happens. You don’t know what you would have done if she were miles away in a foreign country.

You cry all night, you can’t stop, and Karlie is there holding you between her legs and whispering soothing words that you can’t even remember in the morning. She convinces you to drink wine. You need to bask in her warmth more than anything now and feeling a bit tipsy you pass out from exhaustion in her arms.

The next few months pass in a blur. You don’t go into hiding immediately as there is still some public appearances you need to do. You have always been a very practical person, same as your dad and you pride yourself on that fact. Being practical comes in handy in this situation because as powerful as Kim Kardashian might be, this isn’t going to end your hard working twelve years of career. If you were a smaller artist, sure, but you have made so much impact over the years and reached so many milestones, you have your place secured in the music industry and it would be stupid to think this is going to destroy your career as some people claim.

It’s going to make damage, of course, but it’s nothing than a hiatus and good PR can’t fix.

That’s the rational and logical thing to believe. But your stupid paranoid brain sinks in fear and you have to remind yourself that this is not the end. You remind yourself every day and when you play in October to one of the biggest crowds of your life, only two months after the scandal, and they are all so happy to see you there, you start to believe it.

You even start to think how good is that Kim chose to call you a snake of all things because that’s something you can capitalize off, snakes are cool and you can already see how much money you are going to make off this.

You want the world to know that everything is fine between you and Karlie, so you convince your team to give you the green light. They do and Karlie posts a screenshot of your Facetime date on her birthday when you are overseas, right after you showed her the King Of My Heart demo, the tenderness on your face in that picture is so obvious that you honestly wonder how can people not _notice._

Drake’s birthday party comes in October and it may or it may not be intentional the fact that Karlie and you are wearing matching golden stars’ tattoos. It may have to do with the fact that you want people to look back at this moment when a certain song called Dress gets released next year. Because you are ready for speculation now, you need people to start to notice so it won't be as hard in the future, you don’t want to stay hidden forever and with Karlie by your side, you are more certain than ever.

Your birthday comes and you spent all of it drunk, surrounded by the people you love. Everyone makes an extra effort on the gifts given the situation, which is wonderful because you really love gifts. You wear the K necklace and Karlie wears the T necklace and at the late hours of the night when everyone is gone, you sit on the rug of the living room with your fuzzy fox slippers on and play her Call It What You Want. She records you, her eyes practically heart eyes and her trademark sunshine-y smile on, and you wonder in amazement how the hell did you get so lucky.

Karlie jumps your bones right after you finish because nothing turns a girl on more than playing her the song that she inspired. Unfortunately, you are too drunk to really do anything so you just puke on the rug and then you pass out of exhaustion.

You have been a mess lately, but still, is the mess that Karlie wants.

And you have to repeat that to yourself every morning, that Karlie isn’t going to get fed up of you and go, even when she has every reason to do so. The fear grips at your neck like invisible claws that are pressing harder every day until New Year’s Eve comes and you just can’t take it anymore. You throw a big party in Rhode Island because who’s Taylor Swift without the holidays? You get drunk on wine, whiskey and high on weed, a bad combination, and then you jump into the pool fully clothed at 41 degrees.

It's not a euphemism saying Karlie was close to a heart attack. She was with you the whole night, her hands ghosting over your waist ―ass, because to this day she doesn’t really know where your waist is― or your arm, pressed against your hip, reminding you with her touches, _I’m here and I’m not going anywhere._ But you still feel like if you can’t breathe, and you don’t want to worry your already worried girlfriend, she has been so patient with you, you don’t want to push her limits. One tiny voice in your head reminds you of Karlie saying that you should always talk to her when something is bothering you, not matter how stupid you think it is, but you ignore it when you sneak out while Karlie is doing Karaoke with Gigi. It’s stupid to be sneaking out in your own house but it is what you have resorted to doing. You go to your backyard, searching desperately for air and your eyes focus on the pool. You stand at the edge of it, looking far too tempting and in your high and intoxicated mind, you think that jumping in it will make the oxygen come back to your lungs again. Anything to get you to breathe again. You already feel like choking so what’s the harm of some water?

To be honest there’s a feeling of invincibility that accompanies jumping in the pool at 3:00 AM in the peak of winter and for a moment you feel untouchable until you realize it’s a horrible mistake. The pool is warm and it’s a great contrast with the freezing weather. Your heavy winter clothes become heavier with the water and they are weighting you down. For a moment you feel like you can’t resurge out of the water and panic pools in your belly but with uncoordinated kicks and slams to the water, you manage to get your head out and you open your mouth desperate for oxygen, but it still won’t come. Now you are really scared, you dived with your contacts on, your eyes are getting irritable and your vision is blurry as fuck. You can’t hear your screams but you feel your mouth moving and for a dramatic moment you think this is how you are going to die, in the most ridiculous way under the influence of drugs and alcohol, not couldn’t make it out alive of the downsides of fame.

And then someone is pulling you from the water, grabbing you from the armpits and Karlie’s concerned face appears in your foggy vision. She takes your contacts off, someone drops a blanket on your shoulders, and her face becomes clearer. You can see how pale her face is, how afraid she is, and you hate yourself a little more.

She cups your face with both hands, and you gasp at the warmth, she’s always so warm.

“Taylor, you are having a panic attack. I need you to breathe okay? Just like this.” Karlie’s voice rises above the others whispering and you focus on the sound. You try and mimic her expressions of taking a deep breath until after what it feels like hours you finally find oxygen back in your lungs. Karlie carries you inside because she’s so strong and she has shiny abs and works out three hours daily. Your friends give you concerned looks but you ignore them, snuggling on her chest, Karlie’s warmth is all you know right now. She takes you upstairs, to your room, and helps you change to dry clothes. Neither of you speaks until she’s brushing your hair, combing the tangles and you notice your hair starting to get curly as it always does with the change of weather.

“Don’t you ever do that again, Taylor,” Karlie says between gritted teeth. You can see how much her hands are shaking through the mirror. Her eyes get glossy. “You could have died, I thought you were gonna die.”

“You are so warm.” You look down at your open palms, is all you can say right now. Nothing makes sense.

Karlie drops the brush and kneels in front of you, taking your cold hand into her warmth ones. You can see the tears rolling down her cheeks. You want to fix this, all of it, but you don’t know how.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Each apology comes more desperate and you start to cry too.

“I want you to be fine, Taylor.” She squeezes your hands. “You’ve only attended therapy once after the shitshow and I know you said that you were okay and don’t need it, but you don’t have to be strong for me baby. You don’t need to put a façade with me. You don’t need to act like if that didn’t affect you, it doesn’t make you weak, your problems aren’t stupid. If you don’t want to talk to me, then talk to the therapist, because this isn’t good for you and I can see it’s slowly killing you.”

“You need to see a therapist, too.” You say in a tiny voice. Karlie blinks and you speak louder. “Don’t act like this isn’t putting a strain on you too.”

She sits next to you on the bed and you can see the relaxed pose in her shoulders, like if she’s relieved. “Yes. I’ll go to therapy too.” Karlie gives you a tiny smile and looks at you the same way she has been doing since you first met. She kisses your cheek in a loud way that makes you giggle and puts an arm around your shoulder. You don’t waste time locking your hand with hers. “We can get through this.” She holds your hand tighter. “Together.”

“Together.” You repeat.

The next morning, it’s 2017 and Karlie is still there, your back pressed against her chest, her fingers ghosting over your abdomen. You wake up to the sound of giggling girls, and rise silently, not wanting to wake your girlfriend up. You find Cara and Ashley on the living room, searching for something.

“Hey, Tay!” Ashley whispers but it might as well be a scream. Your head is pounding. Cara smacks Ashley and tells her to be silent. Their hair is frizzled, and they have dark bags under their eyes; you guess you don’t look much better.

“I need Advil.” Your rub your head and narrow your eyes at them. “What are you doing?”

“We are searching for our shoes.” Cara says, looking round the room. Ashley rises from behind the couch with a squeal and a shoe in hand. “I found them!”

Both of you send her dagger with your eyes. Ashley retreats over herself with a quiet “Sorry.”

You walk them to the lobby, where they put their shoes on. Cara kisses your cheek. “The party was amazing. Love ya Tay.” She hugs you and looks at you pointedly. “Take care.”

You nod. Ashley does the same and you wave them goodbye. You return to the living room and plop down on a couch, watching all the glitter on the floor from the night before. You look around the house and even with your limited vison, you can see that the house is turned upwards. A mess. It’s going to take ages cleaning it. The ache in your head becomes stronger.

You go to one of the bathrooms on the first floor, searching for Advil. Once you take two and have coffee, life becomes less unbearable. You return to the living room and find some Polaroids sprawled across the floor too, stained with candle wax. There’s a bunch of them and you organize them based on which ones you and Karlie appear and in which ones you don’t. It gives you something to focus on more than a headache.

You take the candle wax off with your nails which is kinda hard given how short they are. It’s only when you have two piled bunches on the floor, that you hear footsteps behind you, the hardwood floor crackling under their weight.

Karlie sits next to you, in grey sweatpants and your New York sweater. Her hair is tied in a messy bun. You hate how composed she looks.

“I brought your glasses.” She pushes them up to your nose and your vision become clearer.

“That’s my sweater.”

“Not even a ‘Thank you, Angel?’ God, you really must be hungover.” She chuckles. “And it's our sweater by the way.”

You drag your hand through the navy blue fabric. “Hmm, our sweater. I like how that sounds.” You rest your head on her shoulder and look up at her. “Why don’t you look hangover? I hate you.”

“I didn’t drink like if it was my last day on earth.”

“Are you implying that I did?” You joke but suddenly her face loses all trace of fun and it’s replaced by a wary expression. Memories from the night before come back; sneaking away, the pool, the talk.

“I meant it, what I said last night. I meant every word.” Her voice is firm. You cover her hand with hers and squeeze it three times.

“We are going to therapy.” You confirm and Karlie nods. You two share a moment of silent acknowledgment before she looks around the room and raises her eyebrows. “Whoa, what a mess. We have a lot of cleaning to do.”

You groan and Karlie chuckles. “We can always call the cleaning staff.”

“I’m not making anyone work on a holiday.” You huff. “I’m not that evil.”

“Then better be getting ready.” Karlie stands, looking for trash bags. You roll your eyes but eventually you follow her.

It hits you when you are halfway through the cleaning and filed a bag of only bottles of alcohol, that this is love, this is what love really is. We all want to find someone to kiss at midnight, that’s cool or whatever but who’s gonna want to hang out with you the next day when you are like Advil or nothing. You feel very vulnerable, very fragile and Karlie is still there, with a goofy smile and making dumb jokes and bringing you coffee every time you feel the turmoil in your head coming back again. She is here, reassuring and taking care of you. You want her midnights, but you also want her to stay for everything else.

You write New Year’s Day the same night.

And Karlie? Karlie stays.

**Author's Note:**

> i skip new years day like always but while writting this i heard it like 15 times in a row, the power of lesbianism  
> also [heres](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuU3XLg2aXc) the concert where taylor said she jumped in a pool fully clothed and said the quote at the beginning, go around the 23:32 mark, thats where she starts giving her speech that is mentioned here before playing nyd
> 
> Right guys I forgot to tell you that I [made](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-1KSWVYko8WTxGl6IuL7EnZU9tt4OJpM/view?usp=drivesdk%22) a you are in love edit where I changed the pronouns to female. It's pretty rough but i don't really know how to edit.


End file.
